Practice self-compassion.

Practice compassion.

Practice renewing your mind.

Practice calm.

You know when you are in the grocery store approaching the checkout and scanning to see which line is the shortest. Wondering which line to choose when they all are full. Then you see a line that only has one customer, so you go to it. You start unloading your cart and adding your items to the conveyor belt. You notice there is a new cashier being trained on this register and she is struggling. She is slow at the process. And it even seems like she’s never observed anyone doing this job before.

You have a choice in this moment. You can choose to get frustrated that this line is slow, you can think “this is taking forever” and “now I’m probably going to be late picking up your child from band” or “whatever” that is not helpful. You can choose to think “why did I pick this lane,” or “I always pick the wrong lane,” or something else mean to yourself that isn’t helpful.

Or you can take a moment to encourage the cashier, you can pay attention to what her name is, ask her how she is doing, and you could say a prayer for her in your head, you can observe the incredibly patient and kind employee who is training her, or you can simply say a prayer or mantra in your head to keep yourself in a “good” head space. You can choose to remind yourself, “this is all part of it.”

We get to choose in that moment how we want to think. Our thoughts create our feelings. From our feelings we act. We get to choose the kind of person we want to be standing in line.

Another example would be the Chick-fil-A drive thru line, which is always packed, no matter what time you go. And now many Chick-fil-A’s have two lanes for the drive-thru. There is that choice of which lane to get in and most of the time we choose the one that looks shorter. But then that lane comes to a stand still for some reason and three cars that were behind you now pass you in the other lane. You have a choice in that moment. You get to choose what you think about this situation. What we think determines how we feel and how we feel affects how we show up; the way we talk and respond, our tone, our attitude.  

Last example, you are driving on the interstate and getting ready to merge onto another interstate and the car in front of you is braking! Slowing traffic down when you need to be accelerating to join the other traffic. In this moment, you get to choose what you think.

If we choose to get frustrated, mad about what is happening who gets to feel it? We do. Not the other driver. Who do you take your frustration out on? Possibly your kids in your vehicle with you, do they deserve that, is that really how you want to show up, talk, respond?

We have more power than we realize. We have the power to choose how we think! How we think determines how we feel. How we feel often dictates how we show up.

We can practice self-compassion, which will help us show more compassion for others. We can practice renewing our minds, which will help us stay calm in stressful moments.

We can remind ourselves “this is all part of it.”

We can expect the unexpected, expect that there will be things that get in our way, expect that things will not go as planned. We can prepare by practicing calm, and quiet, and stillness.

We can say a mantra in our head, or the Jesus Prayer, or repeat a scripture, or a word, whatever will bring us focus, give us some perspective, help us to “center.”

Practicing silence in my life when things are not stressful, taking a few minutes to sit in silence, to breathe deeply, to repeat a mantra in my head, helps me to respond calmly when life throws me a curve ball later.

Practicing helps me know how to “center,” to know what “center” is for me, so I can find it more quickly when the unexpected occurs.

I don’t just mean one time you sit in silence and then you’ll have it down. No. You will need to practice silence a few times a week for several weeks in a row to develop the skill. And keep practicing. (We are a forgetful people so we must practice.) Maybe start with three minutes of silence and work your way up to 5 minutes and then 10 minutes.

I like to repeat a word, some people focus on their breathing as they sit in silence. Having a focus helps because your mind will wander. You mind will throw lots of thoughts at you and remind you of all kinds of things. When this happens, and it will several times, you kindly, gently, firmly redirect your mind back to your focus, to your breathing, or back to your word or words.

We practice.

Practice self-compassion.

Practice compassion.

Practice renewing your mind.

Practice calm.

Practicing will help us in our moments to choose how we think and how we show up.

As we practice being aware of our thoughts and feelings and get curious about what causes them, we gain agency and begin to realize our choices in the moments.

We choose if we become frustrated, upset, and grumpy by how we think about the situation.

We choose if we remain calm and show compassion by how we think about the situation.

Practice.

Take 3 good deep breathes. Do some box breathing: 4 counts in, hold for 4, out for 4, count to 4, repeat.

Come up with a mantra, a line or two that helps you refocus. Memorize a scripture or a few words from a scripture that can help bring perspective.

We are responsible for how we show up. We choose how we think. We can practice and improve. We create our futures with our thoughts.

You’ve got this!

Keep practicing!