I used to be stuck in a cycle of seeing everything that was wrong, then I decided to open my eyes to everything that was right.

I used to try to do all the things I thought were “right” that would create the results I wanted, but I constantly felt like I messed up, fell short, and/or was disappointing someone, and nothing went according to plan. I was looking for security in my circumstances. I expected to feel loved because of all the ways I “served” and how I “performed.” I thought God should cause things in my life to work out because I was “good.” And at the same time, I felt so selfish, like a failure, and had so many doubts. I asked God for help daily but felt like nothing got better. I felt like I was missing something.

I was functioning in a negative belief cycle about myself. I was looking at/worrying about how others saw me instead of focusing on how God sees me. In the negative belief cycle, I was so concerned about me that I missed the beauty in life and in all the people around me.

Back then, I wanted other people to like, validate, and support me, but I wasn’t doing any of those things for myself. I did not have the skills yet to realize I was letting other people dictate my life instead of taking charge. I felt like I was responsible for others’ opinions, expectations, and feelings but I was not taking responsibility for my own.

I was listening to other people’s voices and the stories they were telling about me instead of listening to God’s voice and telling myself His story about me. I was looking for all the ways I didn’t measure up so that is all I saw, and I defined myself by my mistakes. I had to learn to start telling myself a new Truth story and looking for the good in my life.

In this negative, false self, way of being, I was thinking thoughts that created volatile emotions for me and I felt like I had no control over my emotions. I was so hard on myself, and so easily swayed by others’ emotions.

I was praying all the “right” things, but I was not experiencing God’s freedom. I kept repeating the same things over and over, getting the same results. I wanted to break free.

I decided to practice awareness, to pay attention to my thinking. I had to acknowledge where I was. (We cannot change what we do not acknowledge.) I had to admit and accept this is where I am and take responsibility for my life. And I choose to thank God for making me aware and showing me areas in my life that I need to work on, and for showing me next right steps to begin to change.

I decided to think new thoughts in my head. I decided to practice believing that I was exactly where I am supposed to be because this is where I am. I decided to practice believing that nothing had gone wrong in my life. I decided to practice believing that God was for me and working all things for my good.

I also decided to set some boundaries to stay in my integrity and values. I decided to establish some nourishing routines for myself. I realized that if I wasn’t healthy and whole then I wouldn’t be very good at helping other people to get healthy and whole.

I decided to like me. I decided to delight in my life, and I started to see all the delightful things in my life. I decided to tell myself a good, hopeful, loving, kind, God version story of my life. Instead of shaming myself and/or beating myself for how I didn’t do this or that right or for how I thought I should be doing better. I started practicing self-compassion.

I stopped striving to try to prove myself to others. I stopped focusing on all the ways/areas where I was telling myself I did not measure up. I stopped worrying about what other people thought of me. I decided to practice believing that God loves me just as I am, and if He loves and accepts me then I could love and accept me. I decided to agree with God about what He says about me. I decided to agree with God about how He made me, worthy because I am His child.

I had been looking to external things in my life to validate me, my parents, my spouse, my children, my work, my performance. (We all want someone else to believe in us, to support us and encourage us and tell us we are doing a good job, and that is great if we have it. But we have the power to think thoughts and choose to validate ourselves.) I choose to support and encourage me even if it felt like no one else did. I decided to tell myself I was doing a good job. I decided to believe that God saw, and He knew, and He cared about every single detail of my life.

For so long I wanted things/life to be easy, go smoothly, work out, and I had to come to accept the reality that that is not how life normally goes. Life is uncertain and unpredictable. Tragedies happen. People let you down. There is always change. We all have losses and griefs. There are also joys and wins. We all have highs and lows. We all have failures and successes. We all have celebrations and disappointments. They look different in each of our lives, but it is all there. We get to choose what we make it all mean with the thoughts that we think!

I learned to expand my capacity to feel what I feel as life happens and regulate my emotions, not be overwhelmed by them.

Life is hard sometimes. And the people, situations, circumstances, all the stuff, can be overwhelming. Through all of whatever life throws at us, we can choose to believe that this is unfair and wonder why me, or we can choose to have faith and believe that God is working even this for our good.

I decided to agree with God. I continue to pray and ask Him to give me eyes to see my life, the world, and the people in it with His eyes of love.

As I practiced all these things, I developed a new way of being in the world and a new way of responding to it. I decided to live from a place of complete trust in God’s goodness and grace no matter what. I have faith that He loves me and is for me and is with me and is working all things together for me good, even when I cannot see how.

I had lived in my old way of being for so long and conditioned myself to that way of thinking that it took time, intention, and effort to develop a new way of thinking. And I still occasionally get “triggered,” for lack of a better word, and slip into my old way of thinking, because I am human. We never eliminate our old ways, but we can reduce them. When I fall into old habits, thankfully God taps me on the shoulder, whispers in my ears, and gently reminds me to refocus on Him.

I am always in the process of becoming. I will vacillate between false-self and true-self because I am a human. (We all will.) The challenge is to see how quickly we can recover once we realize we are living from our false-self. We must practice remembering God’s love for us no matter what.

I had trained myself to live from negativity, stress, overwhelm, fear then I decided to train myself to live from hope, peace, joy, and love. I realized the power of my thoughts. I decided to seek God not because of what I thought He could do for me but because of who He is and how He loves. I trained myself to live a new Way.

And you can too!