I listened to Ernest Hemingway’s book The Old Man and the Sea this week. Initially, I thought it was terrible. I said as much when I got home last night after finishing the book. Dean looked the book up and said it was about perseverance. My thought was, “yeah but he got nothing for his perseverance.” I was in a grumpy, poor me, life is hard, overwhelmed state of mind last night, but perseverance used to be a high value for me, and I was determined to get it back.

Spoiler alert! My condensed summary of The Old Man and the Sea:

The Old Man is a fisherman. He has had an unlucky streak and hasn’t caught any fish in eighty-four days. On the eighty-fifth day, he goes out alone in his boat far into the sea to catch fish. He wants a big fish. He finally catches one and he can tell it is large. The old man cannot pull it in, and the fish begins to pull the boat. He cannot tie the line to the boat for fear that the line will break so he bears the strain of the line with his shoulders, back, and hands. Throughout the story, the old man is talking to himself telling himself what he needs to do to get this fish. The old man begins to get wounded and weary. He also has deep empathy and admiration for the large fish. He thinks of them as brothers in their suffering, strength, and resolve.

I think it was two days and two nights of struggle and strain before the fish died. The fish was so large the old man had to tie it to the side of his boat. So, day three on the water, having had no sleep, little food, fighting to keep the big fish he caught, and getting injured in the process, he sets sail back to shore. Despite the old man’s weariness, he is excited about his huge catch.

Throughout the story, the old man thinks about the choices he has made, wishes things could have been different, has regrets, encourages himself to stay strong, and wishes someone was with him.

The large fish is bleeding into the water and attracts sharks all the way back to shore. The old man fights and kills one shark with his harpoon but loses it in the shark. He doesn’t even want to look at his fish because of the loss of the valuable meat of the fish the shark had eaten. Then the old man beats off two more sharks who attack his boat and the fish tied alongside it. More of his large fish gone. Then a pack of sharks’ attack and he has little to defend he and his fish with and they eat all his fish. He is defeated, exhausted, sore, and bleeding but eventually arrives back to shore. With much effort he makes it back to his house and sleeps. The people in the town see his boat and the huge carcass of the fish beside it.

That’s it. The end.

I found this story discouraging. I was looking at all the negatives. I was judging the old man’s adventure as a failure. And I guess I was wanting a happy ending and also, I didn’t like thinking about the reality of our human struggle.

We tend to be a culture/people who want everything to go smoothly, work out in our favor, be “fair.” We want “up and to the right” success. We do not want/like/or often accept tragedy, heartache, failure, things not working out, or what we think is unfair, but these things are all part of reality. Things to do not always work out in our favor. We do struggle and fail. There are heartbreaking things that happen. There is uncertainty. There is change. Success does not always look the way we think it should. Sometimes we end up with nothing to show after all our effort. Sometimes we end up wounded and weary.

After praying and thinking and processing, I realize this book does encourage me to persevere no matter what. To remain strong despite what I face. To remember the goal before me and keep working towards it. To not define success by the outcome. To remember the power I have to determine what I make things mean by the way I think about them.

More importantly, I always need to remember to trust God in all things! I need to remind myself; He is for me and working ALL things together for my good even when it doesn’t look or feel that way, even when I fail or am defeated, or things don’t work out the way I think they should.

This is what perseverance looks like to me…

Practicing living from a place of trusting God more. Practicing living open handed; accepting what God gives and what He takes away. Practicing holding life loosely, not having expectation of how it should be or what should happen; accepting what is. And believing that God will equip, enable, and empower me in whatever situations or circumstances I face.

I practice believing that God loves me, and He IS working for my good. I practice believing that nothing has gone wrong, and all shall be well. I practice seeing and believing tragedies, uncertainty, heartache, change, what I consider unfair, are opportunities to trust God more, opportunities for Him to mold me and make me, and build my character.

I practice self-compassion when I feel frustrated, overwhelmed, upset, or grumpy. Of course, I would feel this way. It is the natural human response. I can be kind to my grumpy self. I can practice accepting how I feel, then praying and claiming truth, and managing my mind well to get myself back to a place of living from love. Our human tendency is to live from fear, from negativity, from worry and regret. We should-of ourselves and have high expectations of ourselves and others and our circumstances. It is our brain’s way of trying to keep us safe, but we can choose what we think. We can renew our mind on God’s truth and intentionally practice living from Him love, which cast out fear. (1 John 4:18)

We often want people to be “on our side” while we are in struggle. We want someone to notice. We want people to support and encourage us. We expect others to know what we need and provide it. The old man was alone on the sea. He wished that his friend/apprentice, the boy, was with him, but accepted that he wasn’t. The old man chooses to encourage himself and did what he needed to do to survive.

We think we are facing our struggles alone. We think no one understands, no one sees, no one cares. I choose to practice trusting and remembering God is ALWAYS with me. I am never alone. He knows my struggles. He understands. He sees me. He cares.

I choose to practice giving myself what I need. I know better than anyone else what I need. I validate my struggle. I choose to be compassionate, kind, understanding, supportive, encouraging of myself as I move froward and process. I trust and believe that God will provide exactly what I need when I need it. I trust and believe that He will strengthen me. And I choose to praise Him even if He doesn’t. (Daniel 3:18)

I practice self-coaching. I like the old man talk to myself. And these days I practice being kind and understanding of myself and what I am going through. I practice no longer beating myself up or thinking I should be further along or that I should be doing it differently or being better.

I practice trusting God more. I practice resting in His goodness, grace, and love. I practice accepting my life as it is. I practice accepting the people in my life as they are. I practice letting go of thinking things or people should be different. And when I notice myself getting defensive or blaming or expecting, I kindly, gently, firmly, remind myself to maintain godly perspective and renew my mind on God’s Truth.

Wherever you are and whatever you are going through, keep trusting God!

Keep persevering!

Keep reminding yourself of what He says about you. You are loved! You are enough! You are capable! You are strong! You are not alone! You can do hard things! You’ve got this! And God’s got you!

Keep seeking and discovering! Keep believing and trusting! It is so worth it!