Why do we think other people should never get upset?

Or why do we expect other people to always get along?

Or why do we think people should know what we are thinking without us telling them?

Or why do we think other people should think like we think or do what we think they should do?

It is like we expect people to be our version of “perfect.”

No one can ever live up to that.

People are going to get upset sometimes. We are going to get upset sometimes. And that is fine. We need to accept that this is part of being human and realize nothing has gone wrong.

People are not going to get along sometimes. It is not our responsibility to try to make people get along. We are not going to get along with others sometimes. And that is okay. We do not have to make it mean anything bad about us or them or our relationship. We can realize we are human, and this is just part of it.

We get to choose that we make it mean when someone is upset or not getting along. We tend to make up stories in our heads that it is because of us or something we did wrong instead of just realizing/remembering they are human and they get to have their own feelings and reactions.

We can choose to not make it mean anything bad. We can choose to accept that they are human and allow them to express their human emotions. We can practice compassion. We can choose to practice holding space for them to be where they are. Just like we can choose to hold space for ourselves to be where we are. As we learn to be willing to acknowledge ourselves in whatever feelings we are going through, we get better at acknowledging others in whatever feelings they are having.

I love the idea of holding space. We can choose to make room for our entire human experience without judging it. Just holding it, observing it, being curious about it, and moving through it.

This is part of it. Nothing has gone wrong. All shall be well.

I don’t have to make what they are doing or not doing mean anything bad about me or us. 

Too often we jump to conclusions, fill in the missing details or silence with negativity or unhelpful stories that usually just make the situation worse. Or we feel compelled to try to make things better immediately instead of allowing the emotions to move through without criticism.

We can never make another person feel a certain way. People feel what they feel because of the thoughts they are thinking about whatever is happening.

We are only ever in control of our thoughts, our feelings, our actions.

I am not saying this is easy. It is simple but it takes intention, awareness, and effort.

I have been practicing mind management for several years now and I still have my moments when I get caught up in old ways of thinking and being and before I know it I am feeling anxious, using bad tone, telling other people what they need to do, and inadvertently creating chaos.

If we are not paying attention to our thinking we can get caught up in the ifs, ands, buts, should haves, could haves, might happen, and spiral into an unwanted place. Even if we are paying attention this could happen because, again, we are human. It is not “if” it will happen but “when” it will happen because it will happen. None of us are perfect.

We practice self-compassion. We are kind to us in our spiraling emotions.

In my human moments, I now choose to be kind to myself. I realize of course I overreacted. I had a lot going on, was trying to take care of several people, cover all my bases before leaving, thinking about traffic, and timing, and all the things. And in the moment, I had expectations of others to be ready at a certain time, and thinking they should be helpful to take care of some of the final details, and know how I was feeling and thinking. HA!

As I said, I have been practicing mind management for a few years now and I am still practicing and figuring it out. 

Because I am human. I will never not be going to be figuring it out. I will always be practicing intention, awareness, and self-compassion for where I am and what I am going through. And hopefully I will be compassionate to others wherever they are. 

Holding space for me to be human. 

And. 

Holding space for others to be human. 

Practicing accepting our humanness.

Accepting each of us as we are to the best of my ability. 

Grace.

This is so much easier when I am rooted, grounded, centered in God’s Truth. Trusting in and knowing His love for me. Knowing my worth and value in Him. Not looking for validation from others. Taking good care of myself with nourishing habits. Generating for myself the thoughts that create the feelings I want to feel. Showing up as my best self.

Living embodied faith.

Amen.

Keep seeking and discovering! Keep practicing and becoming! It is so worth it!