Most of my life I felt unlovable and unworthy of love.

A few years ago, I read all Brené Brown’s books. I learned through her work that the difference between the people who lived wholeheartedly and those who didn’t was that they believed they were worthy of love and belonging. I decided I wanted to believe that I was worthy of love and belonging. I decided that I wanted to believe that God loves me not just that God is love. I decided to stop beating myself up for being human. I had always thought I was supposed to get it right or do it right or know the answer or whatever and when I didn’t, I would be so upset with myself. I felt like a failure. I felt like something was wrong with me. I learned that that was just my thinking about myself, and I could choose to tell myself a different story. I decided to accept the fact that we all make mistakes, and we can treat ourselves kindly anyway. 

“Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.” – Brené Brown

Through my studies and listening and seeking, I learned that I am the voice in my head, and I can choose the thoughts I think. I learned that it was just the thoughts I was thinking, the things I was choosing to believe about myself, that made me feel unlovable. I learned that we are all lovable. God made us lovable. We must choose to love ourselves regardless of how anyone else treats us or what they say about us.

I came to understand what it means to take my thoughts captive and renew my mind on Truth and be transformed by God.

For the first time in my life, I was open to receive God’s love, to claim it for myself, and believe it was true for me. Regardless of what I did or didn’t do, regardless of what other people thought or said or did. I realized that God wasn’t waiting for me to prove myself or do enough “good” things to earn my way. He just accepts me. He loves me as is. He loves everyone as is. He loves the person who is paralyzed and cannot do just as much as He loves the person who could do and does not. He loves the person who strives and serves but then is unkind/unloving to their family just as much as the person who faithfully serves Him out of love for God. God just loves. His nature is love. And He wants us to know His love for ourselves.

I decided to practice believing I was loved by God. I researched what Christ-like love means, what love looks like, sounds like, and feels like. I decided to believe that God feels that way about me and I also practiced feeling that way about myself. I had spent most of my life not liking me, thinking I always messed up, said the wrong things, overreacted, used bad tone, let people down, etc. I decided to believe the best about me, notice the good I did, and choose to like me as I am. I began to tell myself that part of the human experience is messing up. I realized we are all students of life. We are learning as we go and learning often requires a lot of trying and failing before we get it right. And I don’t have to beat myself up in the process. I used to be so concerned about how I looked, how I measured up. what other people thought about me, as I learned to rest in God’s love, as I started believing I am loved by God no matter what, I started becoming more secure in myself and in my life.

I created new beliefs for myself by writing them down, by thinking about them, and practicing them over and over. I wrote down scriptures daily. I claimed the scriptures for myself, as if they were true for me, personalizing them. I rooted, grounded, established myself in God’s Truth, in who He says I am.

I practiced believing I am loved by God. Then I started living from a place of resting in His love. I deepened my trust in Him and trusting in the power of the Holy Spirit in me, guiding and leading me.

As I changed my thoughts about God, I began to notice, see, and hear God everywhere in a new and beautiful way. In a song on the radio, in a tv show or movie, in creation, in a podcast, in a book.

I became intentional about living in awe and wonder. I began living believing that “nothing has gone wrong,” “this is all part of it,” and “all shall be well.”

I came to realize that God had not been telling me to work harder, do more, or feel guilty. He was not sitting in heaven judging me for all my mistakes. He was and is inviting me to be. Be with Him. Be who I am. Be okay with what is. He wants to restore my soul.

I started living from my true identity, loved by God.

I began taking responsibility for myself and what I was creating in my life instead of expecting other people to make me feel good about myself. I began practicing creating the life I wanted by thinking new better uplifting thoughts about myself and about my life and then living into them until they became true. I deepened my faith as I practiced believing without seeing the result immediately. I practiced trusting in God goodness and grace for me in all of life. I learned to be self-compassionate and to rest. I came to realize that we cannot offer others what we do not have so we must, for example, know peace with ourselves and for ourselves if we want to share peace with others, or love, or hope, or security.

I have always had a “good” life. One time a Christian counselor told me “I had a lot of tools,” but at the time I did not know how to use the tools I had or the tools I had were not the ones I needed. As I trusted God more and more, believed in His love for me, He gave me what I needed, He healed me and restored my soul, as I did my own inner work of thinking new thoughts and living a new way. God showed me the how as I kept seeking and showing up and sitting in His Presences soaking up His shalom.

Before I never had the ability to carry with me my Beloved-ness the way I do now. Now I know and believe I am loved by God. I believe that He looks on me with favor. I believe He thinks I am okay, and doing good despite all my flaws and failings. I believe He accepts me just as I am. And I choose to love and accept myself embracing all my humanness.

You are lovable, friend! You are loved! You are enough!

Keep seeking and believing and practicing and becoming and practicing and discovering!

It is an on-going process, and the effort is so worth it!