Last weekend, I had the privilege of getting to stay with my teenage niece and nephew while my sister and her husband were out of town. It was a delight to spend a few days with them and observe a small part of their lives. My observations and our conversations caused me to reflect on the teenage years a little.

A few thoughts I had included… I think most teenagers are trying the best they can to figure life out. I also think that the majority of them are most likely struggling with insecurities. And they, of course, are thinking about themselves because that’s all they know to do.

Teenagers need someone to speak life into and over them. They need adults to love them as they are and tell them about God’s love for them no matter what they do or do not do. No matter how much they think they get right or how many mistakes they think they make they need to know and believe they are loved by God. They need someone to speak hope and help normalize life for them. They need to know; this is all part of it.

They need to be reminded that the teenage years are only a small part of life, not the whole thing. A season you go through and survive. It is a hard and weird season for sure. They are changing and it can be difficult to understand and not very fun. They may feel awkward and maybe think things are not happening the way they should. We remind them that nothing has gone wrong. This is how it should be because this is how it is, and there is nothing truer than reality. This is a season when they need a loving supportive voice encouraging them the most.

Also, teenagers want what they want because they do not know any better. We must remember they are doing the best they can.

As adults we should be celebrating who they are, as they are, speaking Truth and Life and Love over their lives. We should be exemplifying emotional adulthood for them. Teaching them to take responsibility for themselves. Teaching them about emotions about how to recognize, acknowledge, and move through them, not to be afraid of them. Teaching them how to be kind to themselves as they move through life. Reminding them they have never done this before so of course they are not always going to get it right. Reminding them that they are students of life, always learning and becoming. We should be giving them skills to be resilient. Teaching them to know and rest in God’s love for them.

But if we don’t know and/or have the tools for ourselves, how are we ever going to help them?

In a time when there are so many competing voices and so much uncertainty, we need to exemplify trusting in God. We need to be showing teenagers what it looks like to live believing that God is for us, and He will take care of us no matter what we face. We teach them by our example what voice to listen to through all the ups and downs of life because life is full of ups and downs. They observe us and learn what trust looks like.

We tell them they are not alone. We tell them we all have our individual stories. We all are dealing with changes because change is an ongoing part of life. We all have losses and griefs. There are accidents and tragedies. There are also joys and wins. We all have highs and lows. We all have failures and successes. We all have celebrations and disappointments. At every age. They look different in each of our lives, but it is all there. This is all part of it, and we get to decide what we make our part mean. We teach them that we get to choose what we make it all mean with the thoughts that we think about our life!

We should be creating a safe place for teenagers to be themselves, for them to figure things out, for them to practice being young adults, and for them to know love and security. We should offer a space where there is no performing or competing or stress. And we teach them how to create a safe place for themselves. We help them know how to trust themselves and believe in themselves and be their own number one supporter. We teach them that they are the voice in their head, and they can tell themselves a good story about themselves no matter what anyone else says or does. We remind them that they are good, and that they are enough. We help them learn to like who they are and how they are. We believe in them when they don’t yet believe in themselves.

Instead of pestering them to be different than they are, we support them and encourage them in their giftedness. We believe in them becoming who we know they can be. We celebrate the positive good they are doing instead of just pointing out the negatives or what they are not doing or how they could be better.

We say it is out of love that we point out all the ways they could be better, but does that feel loving when someone is telling you to constantly be different than you are?

Teenagers need positive reinforcement. Teenagers need someone telling them they are awesome. They are seen. They belong. They can be whatever they want to be.

If you have teenagers in your life, be the voice of love, support, encouragement in their life.

If you have teenagers in your life, do your own work to show up well and set a good example for them.

Teenagers are the future. They have enough life “load” on their shoulders, let’s not add to the weight of it. Let’s speak Life and Love and Hope into their lives. Let’s show them what it looks like to live confident, kind, resilient lives. Let’s show them what it looks like to trust God, believing in His goodness and grace no matter what happens. Let’s show them what it looks like to be students of life and keep practicing and becoming.