On Tuesday this week.

How I started the day…. I was tired because we have a 11-week-old puppy which is wonderful but also is causing me to get less sleep and adjust to new schedules. (Any kind of change can be a challenge. 🙂 I had been to visit family in Kentucky over the past weekend which was wonderful but again got me off my “normal” schedule. I felt behind on stuff at my house, cleaning, laundry, etc., because I usually do that over the weekend. I was having mild feelings of being a bad mom because I do not regularly call my sons who are away at college. And it was a gloomy, rainy day outside.

At work (I lead a small manufacturing company. We build custom aluminum access products.) throughout the day, I am told lumber prices have gone up, and aluminum prices have gone up, and gas prices have gone up, which is an on-going seemingly daily occurrence that somethings prices have increased, and I wonder when are things going to settle and return to some kind of normal?? Our Sales have slowed, it feels like they have almost come to a halt compared to where we have been. New Orders are still coming in but not being released yet. We have stockpiled aluminum since it was hard to get last year, and lead times went to 47 weeks. So now, we have tons of materials and not much going out the door.

And the world is in unrest. It all feels overwhelming and like a lot to figure out.

I text my husband, “It’s a gloomy afternoon and I’m feeling gloomy. Prices continue to increase. No new releases. Our guys are cutting up parts just to have stuff to do. I’m emotional. I just want to make and eat cookies or nachos and binge on a show. I just wanted to vent. I hope your day is going well.”

He nicely replies, “Sorry it’s a gloomy day but happy to let you vent to me anytime my friend. Love you and I pray that your gloomy day gets a bit brighter as it goes on.”

Then that afternoon, my son who lives in New York called and told me his friend, and roommate, is moving back to Tennessee at the end of the semester and transferring to UT. They have a lease on the apartment they are in that has a hefty payment penalty for breaking the lease. My son cannot afford the place by himself. His college experience hasn’t been typical with all the covid craziness and uncertainty. Now he’ll be in NY alone and he must find a new place to live. I try to be empathetic and positive on the phone with my son, but I was feeling all the emotions (frustration, sadness, confusion, overwhelm, annoyance, etc.) internally.

When I arrived home, I was grumpy, and aware of it, admitted it as I was easily irritated by our puppy biting EVERYTHING, and feeling like I couldn’t get anything done. I needed to start the laundry and cook dinner. I was hungry and frustrated. Dean crated our puppy. I started the laundry. I drank a glass of wine as I made dinner. Then we sat and ate and talked about life as we watched a mindless tv show. After eating I played with our puppy. Then I went to bed at a reasonable time, and I read a chapter of a book before going to sleep. (In the past, I would have been mad at myself for being grumpy, irritated, and not showing us well. I would have easily started spiraling into more negative emotions and get bogged down by them. Now I try to remember negative emotions are part of life, and I no longer make them mean something is wrong with me for having them.)

Wednesday morning, I did my normal morning routine and practiced repeating affirming Truths as I got ready. (I am a child of God. I am loved by The King. I am filled with the Holy Spirit. I am filled with grace and power. Sometimes I repeat the Jesus Prayer: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, Have mercy on me, A sinner. Or sometimes I sing a worship song in my head. I do these things to stay focused on Truth and not spiral into worry or overwhelm.)

On my way to work I listened to The Daily Office https://thetrinitymission.org/. Then I listened to Tara Brach’s guided R.A.I.N. meditation  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8e_tAEM80k. (I have found this meditation very helpful for helping me Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture unwanted feelings. Each time I have used this meditation I have felt the Holy Spirit remind me to rest in God’s love and this day I felt reminded that, I’m doing a good job, and of course all this would feel heavy and overwhelming, that is normal, and nothing has or is going wrong.)

I reminded myself that God is Good, and He never changes. He is not surprised by all that is happening. He is working all things together for my good. He will use any challenges I face as opportunities to grow my character if I allow Him. He will use any challenges my loved one’s face as opportunities to grow their character. God loves me. God loves my son. God loves my son’s friend. God loves everyone at my work. God wants good for all of us. He equips, enables, and empowers me to do all that He calls me to. I remind myself that puppies chew and bite, this is a season that will pass. I remind myself that people change their minds, especially college students. I remember a quote I recently read that Julian of Norwich said, “All shall be well, All shall be well, All manner of things shall be well.” I remind myself that change and adapting are part of life. Nothing has gone wrong. I am okay.

These practices, and accepting how things are, and where I was emotionally, helped me to show up better all day.

For the past few years, I have been practicing mind management. I practice paying attention to what I am thinking, and how the thoughts I think make me feel. Our thoughts are powerful! And we choose what we think. I practice taking thoughts captive and renewing my mind on Truth. I determine what I make circumstances mean, or what someone says mean, with my thinking.

I also have been practicing feeling what I feel and not making myself feel worse for having “negative” emotions. As I have come to rest more and more in God’s love for me, He has expanded my capacity to feel what I feel. I no longer feel like I have to stop the “negative” emotions, or avoid them, or stuff them, or buffer them, and I do not make myself feel bad for having them. Instead, I remind myself that I am just one of the humans. 

Learning to accept all emotions as part of life. God made all our emotions and He made us capable of moving through them. He makes us resilient and strong. I realize that allowing the emotions, getting curious about what I am thinking about my circumstances that is causing the feelings (what am I making what is happening mean), being kind to myself, and moving through the emotions is the better Way.

This is an on-going process. I hope to get better at it as I practice, but I will be doing this the rest of my life because as I mentioned I am human. This is part of it.

Keep practicing! Keep seeking and discovering God’s better Way!