One thing I grieve is the loss of whole family gatherings.

I think the holidays can be particularly hard for some people because we can be triggered by our past losses. The sadness resurfaces around holidays or celebrations.

The holidays can be a trigger for me because I wanted big family gatherings with my husband and I and all our boys and my parents and my siblings and their families, but that is not how it is.

I get sad, then I must feel what I feel, and process those emotions, every time they arise. Whether it is at the holidays or at birthdays, or graduations, basically anytime I think there should be a big family celebration.

When I was growing up at Christmas, we would go to my dad’s parent’s house. My dad’s brothers and sister and their families would all come too. We would have up to 21 people staying in an old farmhouse with one bathroom. It was great! We would eat lots of delicious food, play games, and watch ballgames, celebrate and enjoy. I assumed that is what it would be like with my family at Christmas too.

My parents divorced 8 years ago. There has been family drama that has broken trust and severed relationships. My mom remarried and lives in another state. My sister and her family live hundreds of miles away. And even though I am trying to remain open to restoration and mend things very slowly and with healthy boundaries it is still heart-breaking to me that a dream I had may never be.

A friend one time told me that just because I couldn’t have this dream with my parents and siblings does not mean God will not bless me with that kind of gathering with my boys and their families someday.

So, I hold onto Hope. Not an illusion of what might be some day but Hope in God who is with me every moment. God who is helping me manage my mind and make whatever gatherings I have beautiful and wonderful right now with whoever is involved.

I can cultivate the love, joy, peace, and wonder of any celebration with my thoughts about the gathering. I decide what I need and what I want to do and let go of trying to make sure everyone else is okay. I am only responsible for me. I am responsible for the thoughts I think and the feelings I generate. I am responsible for how I show up! Therefore, I choose to make the most of whatever celebration with whoever is present.

We can cultivate love and joy and peace right now no matter what our circumstances when we ground ourselves in God’s Truth and think on that Truth.

As we are willing to be open-minded and practice awareness around our behaviors and ways of being, we can begin to practice thinking new thoughts about others and our circumstances. As we think on Truth, as we drop our expectations of others, stop trying to change them or control them, and accept what is, we can cultivate love and joy now. Even if the people or circumstances in our lives don’t change. We can change.

We can change what we think, which will change the way we feel, which will allow us to show up well and with love no matter what.

We have more power than we realize. We can think thoughts that create the feelings we want to have. We can take ownership of our feelings and stop expecting others to make us feel a certain way. We can take ownership of ourselves, the consequences of our own actions, and stop blaming others. We can process and move through our feelings when the sadness, grief, hurt, arises then move forward cultivating the love and joy we want to have.

We can practice grace for ourselves and grace for others as we figure out how to live well. We are students of life. We practice and keep practicing. We can practice giving people the benefit of the doubt and believe the best about them. We can tell ourselves any story we want about the people in our lives and our circumstances. Let’s tell ourselves a good story!

And when we get triggered, because we will get triggered because we are human, we can feel what we feel, admit it is hard sometimes, and then cultivate the feelings we want to have with our thoughts after processing what has come up. Learning to not be surprised by our brain reminding us of old stories but learning to gently remind our brain that we are choosing a new story!

Christmas is a time when Jesus came to the world to offer us a new story! Praise, and amen!

“And everything I’ve taught you is so that the peace which is in Me will be in you and will give you great confidence as you rest in Me. For in this unbelieving world you will experience trouble and sorrows, but you must be courageous, for I have conquered the world!” John 16:33 TPT

I hope and pray you know, receive, and experience the love Jesus came to offer us! I hope that as you practice believing in and trust God’s love for you, you are radically transformed! I hope and pray you cultivate for yourself and share with others the wonder, joy, and peace of the season now and throughout the year!