What we say and what someone hears often are not the same.

I recently received an email with the subject line, “I didn’t mean that.” A lady I follow started her email by saying, “Wait, that’s not what I meant at all.” Responding to the flood of emails she received after her post the week before.

The other night at our small group a friend shared a story about his mother-in-law misunderstanding a question he asked. Then the mother asking her daughter what he meant by it four days later because she had made up the worst-case scenario stories in her head worrying for 4 days.

I read an article last week that said, “research reveals over 90% of the things we worry about never happen.” It said, “Studies show that people who worry a lot are generally less effective than those who don’t; they get less work done and are often less happy.”

Communication…our thoughts that we share with others verbally….and what we say to ourselves with our thoughts.

Clear communication takes effort and being intentional. Clear communication takes practice.

Part of this is because we all have filters. We hear things through these filters we have created based on our past experiences, our beliefs, and what we think.

We have more power than we realize.

We have the power to choose what we think.

We choose what we make something mean by the thoughts we think about it.

How we think determines how we feel. From our feelings we act. Our actions give us the results of our life.

We choose the stories we make up in our heads.

We must choose wisely!

We must choose to think on TRUTH.

In the book Love and Respect, Emerson Eggerichs says, “women see through pink sunglasses and hear through pink hearing aids and men see through blue sunglasses and blue hearing aids.”

I think this is true in all relationships, really in all of life. We all have a set of “sunglasses,” or filters, through which we see the world and a set of “hearing aids” through which we hear.

We need to practice self-awareness. We need to be aware of our filters so that we can more accurately hear what people say and not jump to conclusions. We need to practice removing our filters.

Communication is key in all relationships. And communication is something we can always be improving on.

If we are confused or uncertain about what was meant by what we heard, we can ask questions, or pause and ask ourselves, “how am I filtering what was said.”

We can consider who is talking and what we know about them, “are they a good-willed person?”

We can choose to assume the best and that we misunderstood instead of creating worst-case scenario stories in our heads or worrying about something that most likely won’t happen.

Everyone has multiple facets to their lives, and we are usually only seeing one side. We all have good days and bad days, ups and downs.

Dr. Caroline Leaf said on Instagram a couple weeks ago, “Your ability to deal with ‘not knowing’ is more important than whatever you do not know because what exists in the realm of ‘not knowing’ is often greater, and uncertainty is a fact of life so learning how to navigate it will make life easier. She went on to say that “we feel like the anxiety we carry when addressing the unknown gives us a level of control, but it is a false sense of control.”

We are only guaranteed this moment, right now.

Let’s do our best in each moment.

Let’s practice listening well.

Let’s practice communicating well.

Let’s be gracious and kind to ourselves and others.

Let’s practice saying, “I’m sorry,” and “will you forgive me.”

Let’s believe we can do better.

Let’s believe change is possible.

Let’s start with ourselves! Because we are only in control of and responsible for ourselves!!!

Let’s keep practicing and showing up in love and practicing and becoming!

Keep seeking and discovering God’s Way!